HELP! My Roommate Really STINKS!!!

Question: Can you help me? My roommate is a loser and is driving me crazy.

I recently moved into the dorms and my roommate is totally annoying and snores loudly, but worst of all... she stinks! Our dorm room is not that big, and her side of the room is very messy and it smells so bad that I am worried that all of my stuff will start to smell like her.

The smell is a mixture of B.O., butt, and chicken grease. It is a smell that really sticks to stuff. I have been in class, opened my laptop, and the smell is there!

It is horrible. I want to talk to her, but I think she might be a little bit crazy. I do not want to start trouble. What is your advice? – Holding My Nose at Texas A&M

Dear Holding My Nose: Wow. Having an annoying and smelly roommate is a tough situation, but you probably have to talk to her.

Although you run the risk of making her feel uncomfortable, it is your room too, and you deserve to feel comfortable there. So be brave!

But if you do not want to have this talk, we have some other crazy ideas...

The Infectious Disease Trick: Get your roommate to wash more often. Tell your roommate, in a very quiet and honest way that you have had tuberculosis (or some other deadly infectious disease) in the very recent past. Tell her that it is difficult for you to talk about, and that is why you did not mention it earlier. Mention that you do not think you are infectious any more, but that it is probably a good idea to keep the dorm room extra clean and that she might want to take a shower twice a day for protection from any airborne bacteria.

The Satan Worshipper Trick: Another idea is too convince your roommate to move out on her own. One way to do this is make her think that you are a Satan worshipper. Hang up Slayer and Marilyn Manson posters and light black candles when you study. Wear a black hooded robe and talk to people who are not there. You can say scary things like, "I hear you whispering to me, Dark Lord!" in loud, sudden outbursts. When your roommate asks you who you are talking to or asks why you are yelling, deny that you ever said anything. Or even better, accuse her of reading your thoughts and run out of the room.

The Drug Dealer Trick: This is another way to get your roommate to move. Fill plastic baggies with white flour and have your friends bang on the door in the middle of the night. Have your friends hand you money in exchange for a few of the baggies. You only have to do this once or twice, but keep sending people over to the room when you are not there. Have them bang on the door and ask for you whenever she is in the room alone. Ask your friends to say things like, "Can you please tell her that I really need a hook up when she gets back?"

Or, you could just talk to her and have an honest conversation, which is probably the best idea. 

Good luck!

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